"..if ever you were there at all"

where are you
god of my liberation
o joyful one
who led me on the
paths of dancing
ready with insight
and inspiration
blessing every new intention.

where are you
if ever you were
there at all"

Was it a god of liberation who led me, when I finally decided to leave an abusive relationship?  Did I dance because I was saved?  Did my insights come from outside of my being?  To all of these questions I answer a resounding NO. 

What I had done was to open myself to the information and help around me.  I attended a conference on domestic violence and my breath stopped when I saw the continuum of domestic violence written on the board... at the far left was verbal and emotional abusive and at the far right was death by a loved one.  I recognized patterns and behaviors in my relationship that were unhealthy and that were getting dangerous.  I sought counsel from a domestic violence program.  I talked to friends.  I made decisions that would affect the rest of my life, leaving behind a twenty-six year relationship that couldn't be saved. 

I decided I wanted to stop dragging my feet - I actually had plantar faciatis in both feet and had trouble walking.  My body was speaking to me.   I wanted to DANCE! 

Dance

dance out of your box
     and onto the sand
dance from the desert
     into the sea

dance all night long
     now because you can
dance with the wild flowers
     that know how to be

dance for the little girl
     who watched from the wings
dance for the young nun
     with passions restrained

dance for the barren years
     when you forgot how to sing
dance for your fredom
     and all you've regained


c) Helen Rousseau

     And so I danced into my future, finding new roads of expression, seeking to understand the spiritual road I had been on.

more later...